Wedding Etiquette on Tipping and Other Lost Wedding Etiquette

Even in our modern times, wedding etiquette still survives. The wedding etiquette that we have come to know dates back from the Victorian era. Victorians are known for their education, intelligence, social grace and manners.

The wedding etiquette on who should pay for the wedding has changed a bit although the old Victorian wedding etiquette, the father of the bride should host the wedding, is still being practiced today. Because of economic issues and that both couples are already earning their own money, the bride and groom today hosts their own wedding.

On social graces, some Victorian Wedding Etiquette still exists like having bridesmaids and groomsmen on your wedding and throwing the bride’s bouquet for maidens to catch.

But on the issue of wedding etiquette on tipping, does tipping of the hat to greet the newlyweds still exist?

Wedding Etiquette on tipping is an old Victorian social grace of which people from many parts of Europe also do practice. But as time has passed, the etiquette of tipping a hat to acknowledge a person or greet a newlywed is becoming an obsolete etiquette.

One of the reasons, according to some wedding etiquette specialists, is that the modern clothing has excluded hat as part of fashion. So, how would a person do a tipping when there is no hat to beging tipping with?

American formal clothing does not include a hat, unlike in some European countries, a hat is still part of their fashion. This is the reason why the wedding etiquette on tipping from some European countries is still being practiced.

Wedding etiquette on tipping is not a big issue anymore in American society. In fact, most wedding etiquette books that we have now do not mention anything about wedding etiquette on tipping nor they have mentioned anything about it being an old custom of the American society.

But there are couples who wish that their guests would practice the wedding etiquette on tipping. These couples are those who celebrate their wedding with a Victorian era wedding theme, or the 1950′s Casablanca theme of which fashion from these years requires a hat to complete an ensemble.

Aside from wedding etiquette on tipping, another lost wedding etiquette on our society is the choosing of bridesmaids younger than the bride and requiring them to wear a dress similar as that of the bride.

Today, this wedding etiquette, just like the wedding etiquette on tipping is completely lost. Brides now choose older and sometimes even married bridesmaid. This is not being scorned today, but yesterday, during the time when wedding etiquette on tipping is being practice, bridesmaids are young and really maiden.

The reason behind the Victorian wedding etiquette on young and maiden bridesmaids came from the old belief that a devil is tasked to abduct brides during their wedding day so that he could have her for himself before her groom can take her. The bridesmaids acted as decoy, being maiden and wearing dress that resembles the bride’s dress will confuse the devil as to who is the real bride.

This wedding etiquette has been passed on from generation to generation until it evolved and became the wedding etiquette that we have now. According to wedding etiquette specialists, this practice has long been forgetten because people, through time, has become modernized and become less superstitious. Besides, the bride can now have her favorite sister or best friend, even if she is older than her or married, to be at her side on her very special day.

There are still lots of wedding etiquettes before that have been changed to fit our current culture and society. In fact, some of the modern wedding etiquette we have now may also become oblete in time, like the way the wedding etiquette on tipping and wedding etiquette on bridesmaids that our culture had before.

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Wedding Etiquette: Cash Bar Wedding Parties

Open bar wedding party has been gaining popularity these days because more and more couples have been celebrating an evening wedding. With open bar, guests are free to order any brand of drink to their liking without limit as to how many shots or glasses they should order.

However, some couples with limited budget see cash bar as the best option for them. As opposed to open bar, guests must pay for every drink that they order in a cash bar wedding party. The newly weds won’t be held liable for a guest’s non-payment of a drink ordered. Guests should leave a bill for a drink the way a customer does when he ordered a drink in a local bar.

If you, a groom or bride-to-be, are concerned with wedding etiquette, wedding etiquette specialists will tell you not to go for a cash bar. If you would be graded for a wedding etiquette examination, saying yes to a cash bar has a grade of zero.

For specialists on wedding etiquette, cash bar is not an option even for couples who are tight on a budget. Since cash bar violates wedding etiquette, wedding etiquette specialists say that you should expect snide remarks from your guests if you pursue a cash bar wedding party. You might even hear them saying things like, the newly wed do not know wedding etiquette, or if they couldn’t afford an open bar, they shouldn’t have hosted a cocktail party at all and they should have stayed with a sit down dinner.

Guests who would make such a remark obviously are unaware of wedding etiquette too. But just the same, we cannot silence them for making such remarks.

Some wedding etiquette books even say that if you are thinking of a cash bar night party, make a pass for a night party; it’s better not to have a night party at all if it would be a cash bar.

- Solution to Cash Bar

There is a solution though to cash bar. According to books on wedding etiquette, you can implement the semi-open bar. With this strategy, you won’t worry about violating wedding etiquette through cash bar and you won’t need a big budget to throw an open bar wedding party.

Wedding etiquette specialists would recommend you to open bar the first two drinks to your wedding guests and cash bar the ordered drinks thereafter.

Two drinks are considered socially acceptable standards for social drinking. In implementing the semi open, semi cash bar wedding party, you have satisfied the needs of guests expecting you to practice wedding etiquette while at the same time you have satisfied yourself for not spending too much.

Many couples who are not limited on a budget implement the two-drink open bar and cash bar afterwards cocktail or evening wedding party. This is to avoid excessive drinking from wedding guests, and for wedding guests to maintain social composure.

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Recommended Wedding Etiquette Books

In every part of the world, ladies dream of weddings. More often than not, they succeed in getting one. Thus, for every nation or country, in every culture, there are weddings.

Weddings have become inevitable events in modern society. But, it is clear and apparent that weddings have become, in a sense, a way of lifestyle. It can be attributed to the Western influence.

Wedding traditions, be it for Americans, Asians, Europeans, Africans or any race, have become universalized. When you say universalized, it means the event has adhered to same customs and traditions.

Thus, we have wedding etiquettes. Wedding etiquettes can vary from one country to another. But the variations are only slight and minimal. Moreover, the ethics and etiquettes in weddings are all but the same.

Because being into weddings or attending weddings have become a way of our modern life, people can get anxiety knowing that there are certain gestures that can be considered not likely during weddings.

If you are a bride or a groom, the anxiety can get really concerning. The couple will have to undergo a hard time—on wedding jitters and on anxiety from wedding customs.

Thus, the best way to help the soon-to-be-wed couple is to educate them about certain wedding etiquettes.

Because learning venues for wedding etiquettes can get so distracting, awkward and embarrassing at the same time, it is advisable that those needing briefings for wedding etiquettes consult the book stands.

The following are several of the highly recommended readings or books for or about wedding etiquettes. To get to know the books better, or to absorb what they have to say, get to the nearest book store or go to your favorite online shopping site to place an order.

Some recommended wedding etiquette books

“The Everything Etiquette Book: A Modern-Day Guide to Good Manners” by Leah Ingram. The author, Leah Ingram is considered as one of society’s etiquette experts. Actually, the book is not exclusive to wedding etiquettes.

The book tackles etiquettes for everyday living. Included in the topics covered are how to deal with annoying neighbors, how to choose and send the perfect gift for every occasion, professionalism at work, camaraderie with colleagues and friends, dealing with unlikely relatives and so on.

Because the book covers everything etiquette, of course, a few pages are allotted to weddings. The wedding etiquettes mentioned in the book are glimpses and shortened or simplified, but they still are effective tips.

“Crane’s Wedding Blue Book” by Steven L. Feinberg. Mr Steven Feinberg’s wedding book is very detailed and covers everything about wedding etiquettes.

The issues tackled start from the preparation—from short listing the guest list, doing the invitation, hiring wedding planners, and so on. The wedding etiquettes covered by the book extend to until after the honeymoon, when the couple should have finished giving out thank you cards to their wedding guests.

The book also gives tips and guidelines on what kind and color of paper to use when printing out invites and than you notes. It also deals with the proper way of handling unlikely, and yes, even wedding crashers.

“The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book: Insights and Advice on Handling Even the Stickiest Wedding Issues” by Emily Ehrenstein and Laura Morin. The book gives out little and practical do’s and don’ts during weddings.

The book takes the issues from the different perspectives of that of the bride, the groom, the parents, the maid of honor, the bride’s maids, the groom’s men, stepmothers, down to the guests.

The book boasts of practical solution to every concern and awkward situations that occur during weddings. The situations discussed can sometimes get cute, amusing and funny, but you can tell that they are timely and truthful. Several sticky situations, for sure, have happened to you.

Everyone who has attended weddings or who are planning to attend or get into one can relate to the book.

The book even gives out solutions and advice on how to handle difficult situations during weddings that include how to ask parents-in-law for financial assistance to cover the reception, including step parents in the ceremony, allowing single guests to tag along dates down to planning seat arrangements for divorced parents and more.

The above mentioned wedding etiquette books can be found at our favorite book stand or can be ordered online. Just read the books by heart so you can get to absorb wedding etiquettes and save your face when situations get really sticky during weddings.

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Wedding Etiquette on Victorian Weddings

Thanks to educated Victorians with their lustrous names, intelligence and writing abilities, they have passed on to us what a mannered person should do in all social situations. In the 1870′s to 1880′s there were at more than sixty (60) etiquette books that were published of which includes Victorian wedding etiquette. These Victorian wedding etiquettes became popular before and are still popular in these days.

Victorian wedding etiquette focuses on manners, culture and dress before, during and after the wedding ceremony and reception. Victorians also have etiquette rules on courtship and engagement.

– Victorian Wedding Etiquette on Marriage Ceremony

For Victorians, the marriage ceremony varies with the fortunes, desires and wishes of the wedding parties. According to Victorian Wedding Etiquette, a bride and couple may have a very lavish and expensive wedding if they can afford it or they can have a small gathering of closest family and friends celebrating the wedding with them.

As to the form of right, Victorians have no specific directions as to how the wedding rite should be done, but they should follow rules of their churches of the proper wedding rite.

Victorians who are to be married by their ministers, wedding etiquette calls them to study the form or proper wedding rite of their particular church. For Victorians who will be married in a Methodist church should study Book of Discipline. Episcopalian Victorians, on the other hand should read the Book of Common Prayer. Catholic Victorians are invoked to know the basic Ritual in a Catholic Wedding Celebration.

In Victorian wedding etiquette, couples must do wedding rehearsals. The rehearsal of the ceremony is always made in private. Victorians believe that with this way, the bride and groom and the wedding parties could understand better the necessary forms and rites.

– Victorian Wedding Etiquette General Rules

Victorians have general rules in wedding etiquette. They are interesting to learn and to note especially if you are planning to have a Victorina wedding theme.

Bridesmaids and groomsmen are expected to assist in the preparation of the wedding and even during the wedding especially if the wedding is not private. Wealthy Victorians held weddings for public and with many guests that were expected to attend (even from nearby towns), the hired help won’t be able to accommodate the guests.

Although this seems funny nowadays, but Victorian wedding etiquette is clear on this matter: bridesmaids should be younger, yes you read it right, younger than the bride. If you have an older sister who you love you dearly, you won’t be able to make her a bridesmaid if you were born during the time of the Victorians.

Victorian wedding etiquette on bridesmaids clothing is also peculiar. Bridesmaids should wear dresses that look like that of the bride. It was believed before (even before the time of the Victorians) that a devil is on the loose everytime there is a wedding. This devil is tasked to kidnap the bride, take her away from her groom, and take her virginity from her. So, bridesmaids are selected, those that look like the bride, younger or of her age, and must dress the way she dresses so as to confuse the devil who should be taken.

The material for bridesmaids wedding dresses are usually light and flowing fabric that allows graceful gait, and must have lots of ornament. Dresses should not be necessarily expensive.

The bridesmaids should assist the bride (thus the name brides’ MAID) in dressing her, receiving company, holding her things, etc. They should stand at the brides left side, with the first bridesmaid or the maid of honor holding the gloves and bouquet.

As for the groomsmen, he should receive the clergyman and present to him the couple to be married. The first groomsman or the best man should stand upon the right side of the groom during the ceremony.

Victorian wedding etiquette has not been changed much. They are still the basic wedding etiquette that we have today. We can follow Victorian wedding etiquette’s general rule as is without looking or making ourselves outrageous. Some of victorian wedding etiquette are just bent a bit, such as a wedding dress, to accommodate the wishes and desires of the bride or the groom or of a relative special to the hearts of the couple.

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Wedding Etiquette: The Basics

People these days are thinking, does WEDDING ETIQUETTE still exist in our age wherein every rule that anybody can think of could be bent? In this rule defying age, it seems that WEDDING ETIQUETTE is just a thing of the past. But is WEDDING ETIQUETTE really now just part of history? I don’t think so. And maybe even you and the rest of the population don’t think so, too.

Every culture has WEDDING ETIQUETTE. Even if we think those who live in far flung areas are barbaric and do not know a thing about WEDDING ETIQUETTE, they have their own sets of rules and etiquette to follow. Their WEDDING ETIQUETTE may not be as proper as we think ours is, but for them their WEDDING ETIQUETTE is the proper WEDDING ETIQUETTE.

The WEDDING ETIQUETTE that we have come to know dates back from the 1800, at the time of the Victorians. Victorians are well educated, intelligent and well mannered. They value social manners and behavior. This is the reason why lots of social and WEDDING ETIQUETTE books had been published during the Victorian era.

The social and WEDDING ETIQUETTE practices of the Victorians has been passed on to us and became the basic WEDDING ETIQUETTE of the westerners. These Victorian WEDDING ETIQUETTE has been modified or bent to suit our current culture and lifestyle.

What are the basics of WEDDING ETIQUETTE? Should we follow every rule in Emily Post’s famous WEDDING ETIQUETTE book?

WEDDING ETIQUETTE BASICS

In every all aspect of the wedding there is a WEDDING ETIQUETTE that should be followed. There’s a WEDDING ETIQUETTE to follow when creating an invitation, sending it out, and replying to it; in attending a wedding, guests should abide to the basic WEDDING ETIQUETTE for guests; when sending out gifts there’s a WEDDING ETIQUETTE too that must be followed. <

Here are some of basic WEDDING ETIQUETTE for the wedding parties and the guests:

For the bride and groom:

- Wedding invitation must be worded either formal or informal. It depends upon the couple. If they want a formal wedding celebration, they must choose formal words. If the wedding will be celebrated with closest family and friends, an informal wording on the invitation would do.

Invitation should be sent out four to six weeks before the wedding. If your wedding is a wedding destination, you may send a Save a Date card to your guests six to eight months before the wedding. Your guest also need to prepare themselves financially and physically for your wedding destination.

- A bride can now choose any dress design and color that she wants. But if she will be wed in a church with strict rules on dress code, she should abide to the rules of her church.

- A groom may wear either a suit or black tie. He could also wear a loose dress in beige pants for a beach wedding.

- The couples should not ask for cash gifts. As for wedding registry card, they should not insert it invitation. Just mention in your invitation that you have an online wedding registry.

- The stepmother may seat at the church’s first pew only if the bride (if the bride is her stepdaughter) is closer to her than her mother. However, if the bride is close to both her mother and stepmother, she should seat her mother at the first pew.

For the guests:

- Invited guests should reply to a wedding invitation immediately after receipt of the invitation card or not later than two weeks before the wedding. Couples need to be informed of the actual head count for the sit down dinner.

- Guests should be formally dressed if the invitation is worded formally even if there is no indication that the attire should be formal. Women are now allowed to wear evening dress for a formal wedding especially if their escorts are in black tie.

- Guests are not obliged to buy gifts from the registry. Invited guests who can’t make it to the wedding are also not obliged to send gifts.

Gifts may be sent to the couple before or one year after the wedding. It will help the newlywed alot if the gifts will be delivered at the couples new address.

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How to be a Good Guest on Evening Weddings

Weddings were almost always held during daytime in the past. But like evolution, the customs and norms on weddings have also evolved over time.

Most couples nowadays find evening weddings more romantic and ideal. Evening weddings have increased popularity over time.

People see weddings, especially receptions as a perfect time to mingle with old and new friends and generally socialize. However, only few know that several wedding etiquettes do exist for evening weddings.

As for almost any issue hounding etiquettes on weddings, you will be surprised how evening wedding etiquettes mainly revolve around the most basic issue and concern on weddings— attires.

For the bride and the groom, it is surprising that not much is expected during evening weddings. Evening weddings, according to several etiquette books and guides, should be treated as if they were daytime wedding. But take note, the case only applies to brides and grooms.

Being a nice and good guest, you are expected to follow several practical and unwritten guidelines. You would not want to create a bad impression to people, don’t you?

To illustrate the most common dilemma encountered by guests, who really try hard to be good guests, read on for a sample situation that you may have encountered in the past.

An evening wedding situation

Annie was invited to the wedding of a high school friend. The event poses a lot of excitement to her because she sees it as an opportunity to touch base and catch up with old high school friends.

Thus, Annie wants to make sure she will create a good and fashionable impression on that night. She wants to show everyone how she has improved and gotten prettier and foxier over the years.

However, one concerning factor about the wedding was that it is an evening wedding. Annie has attended just a couple of evening weddings before, and those were informal events, unlike this forthcoming one.

The invitation sent to her clearly and boldly emphasized that the guests are expected to come in formal attire. Ahh, Annie thought. That would be to her advantage. She will more exuberate radiance through a beautifully made gown.

The wedding night of her friend turned out to be disaster for Annie. Why? Because with her utmost desire to ‘dress to impress,’ she found that she over did it.

Annie wear a very beautiful and radiant fire-engine red gown. The dress accentuated her figure, and no wonder, she was really beautiful.

If she was beautiful on her gown, what went wrong? What happened in the evening wedding that made Annie want to run out instantly from the event?

Apparently, Annie unintentionally stole the bride’s wedding thunder. Since she came in flaming red and beautiful gown, all eyes were on her during the wedding. Some people, to her dismay, also came to congratulate her, mistakenly identifying her as the bride.

It can never be flattering. Not all eyes were smiling to Annie. The bride’s eyes were flaming red, with anger! All the bride’s maids, and almost all the ladies in the ceremony showed those disgusted and unwanting looks to Annie. She thought, she should never have attended that evening wedding.

Dress for the occasion

Evening wedding invitations that bear the phrase “black tie optional,” indicates that the evening wedding is meant to be a formal gathering and the hosts intend the guests to appear formal.

Men are expected to appear in their tuxedos and women in their evening ball gowns.

For the burden of the ladies, they should first find out about the wedding colors and motifs before showing up at the wedding. Otherwise, they, for sure, would not want to catch hot and daunting eyes during the entire ceremony until the reception.

For the ladies, remember not over do it. Do not steal the thunder from the bride. Do not out do the bride’s maids, the maid of honors and the bride’s mom as well.

Dress down. Find a suitable color and design of the gown that can attract attention, but not too much to the extent that all eyes are totally fixed on you. Remember, it should be the bride who should stand out on her much-awaited moment.
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Children and Weddings

Most of the romantic and ideal wedding scenes we have seen in movies involve cute and huggable children. However, being the jolly, innocent and fun creatures that they are, most often, weddings, at least in the movies, involving children turn out to be hilarious and disastrously funny.

We know that children are always seeking fun and will not stop to entertain themselves during boring hours. Children can not easily cope up and comprehend the fun adults have on weddings. The occasion can be very boring to them.

When children get bored, they usher in trouble to adults. They can roam around, throw cakes at people, fight with other kids or ruin things. These are fun to them, but can be nightmares to adults, especially to brides and grooms during weddings.

Children and invitations

Admit it. The sad reality is that more and more brides, and grooms as well, do not like the idea that children will be coming over to their weddings.

Just the thought of crying children and children messing up with her gown and that of the bride’s maids make several brides throw up. Another sad fact is that some parents are not very sensitive to the issue. They could not think and understand how a bride could dislike cute and loveable kids in her wedding.

Wedding etiquette books and guides have it that the best way to exclude children to the occasion is to mention it in the invitations.

According to most wedding etiquette books, brides and grooms who dislike kids around their weddings can do two things: one, do not mention kids’ names in the invites; and two, spread the word that children are not wanted in the wedding.

The second option can be brutal, but it is nicer than having to control kids’ tantrums and annoying acts during weddings.

Because not all people understand and know wedding etiquettes, it is advisable that at some occasions, the couple should be straight forward to inform the guests before hand that the wedding would involve an ‘adult reception.’

Frankly telling parents-guests that kids will not be welcome in the wedding can also be a viable option. For some, the gesture will not be that polite, but practicality will tell other wise. Every bride and groom wants solemnity for their much- awaited moments. Understand that.

Another tactic to exclude children in wedding invitations is to mention the number of seats reserved for a particular guest. For example, Mr and Mrs Winterburg are reserved only two seats at the reception. That means, that Mr and Mrs Winterburg’s five kids do not have places in the wedding. They should know that.

If the guests still fall clueless and insist on bringing along their children with them, call them before the wedding and explain why children should not be attending the wedding. Educate them a little about wedding etiquettes.

Wedding etiquettes for children’s parents

For parents, if it is not mentioned in the wedding invitation that children are not allowed to attend the wedding, and the couple and hosts did not call to emphasize the idea, then it is safe to assume that you could tag along your children.

However, be informed and bear in mind the simple wedding etiquettes for parents. You would not want to ruin the wedding just because your kid suddenly threw an act or suddenly threw a tantrum.

Assume the position of the bride and the groom. Think of how you would feel if you were on their shoes, and children are creating scenes at your wedding. It would not be pretty and cute, right?

Make the initiative to leave your kids at home, if you can help it, when you attend the wedding. They could play around the house or watch the television or do their stuff at home. They might get bored throughout the wedding ceremony and spoil everything.

For those helplessly take along children with them on weddings, wedding etiquette experts advise you to make the most of the opportunity. In other words, make the occasion a venue or time for teaching the kids of simple and practical wedding etiquettes.

Make the occasion a teachable moment by informing the kid that he or she should behave through out the occasion just like how to adult guests behave.

This will be the best teaching occasion to shoe the kids how to act during weddings, or train them about some table and social manners.

Moreover, wedding etiquettes tell us to learn from each wedding. For the couple, on how to be good hosts. For guests, on how to be good guests and for parents to be good teachers to their kids who are incidentally, also attending the wedding.

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Emily Post Wedding Etiquette Book

The Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette book is a very comprehensive book on wedding etiquette. The wedding situations depicted here are full of every situation in which a expecting couple will need to do or just say the right thing.

The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book has every answer to every question b couples regarding the proper wedding etiquette. Also, included in the Emily post Wedding Etiquette book are very valuable advice on how a couple will set up either a traditional or a non-traditional wedding ceremony.

The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book also includes the right and efficient way to dress and depends on the level of formality of a couple’s wedding, aside from this, the Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book teaches the couple how wedding invitations will be written, etc.

The modern couples who originated from different kinds of backgrounds need the Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book. The Emily post Wedding Etiquette book is also needed by the brides and grooms that have entered their second marriages. Aside from this, the Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book is needed by children from a divorce.

Finally, the Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book is needed by anyone who needs to make sure that will be able to get everything that are just right for their wedding!

To give the reader a sneak peak, here are some of the possible topic or subject that they could read about in a Emily post Wedding Etiquette book:

1. Expenses Handled by the Flower Girl/s in a Wedding

The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book will usually inform the reader that a flower girl is usually picked as before the age of six years old.

The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book will tell the reader that the families of the flower girl or flower girls are expected to cover the expenses for their flower girl dress, for their other attires, and also their travel expenses.

The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette books also tells us that the flower girls are not usually expected to bring along a shower gift to bridal showers that they may attend.

If the parents of the flower girl or flower girls do attend, the shower gift expectations will be just the same as the other bridal shower guest. If the flower girl or flower girls do attend more than one bridal shower or bridal party, they are expected of bringing only one bridal shower gift.

The flower girls are really not responsible for helping out financially with the bridal shower.

2. Expenses Handled by the Best Man

The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book will tell the reader that the best man will usually handled the expenses for his own formal wear along with his accessories. He will also handle the travel expenses, as well as one shower gift and one wedding gift.

The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book will also share in the cost of the bachelor party.

3. Expenses Handled by the Groomsmen or the Ushers

The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book will usually note that the groomsmen aged sixteen years and below are not expected to help out with the cost of the wedding.

The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book will tell the reader that the groomsmen or ushers will shoulder the expense of their own formal wear as well as their own accessories. The covered expense will also include travel expenses, one shower gift and one wedding gift.

Aside from this, the Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book will teach the reader that the groomsmen or ushers will share with the cost of the bachelor party with the best man.

4. Expenses handled by the Ring Bearer and the Trainbearer

The Emily Post Wedding Etiquette book will also teach the reader that the kids under the age of six are okay to be the ring bearer or trainbearer.

The families of the ring bearer and train bearer, however, are expected to shoulder the attires, and the travel expenses of the ring bearer and the train bearer.

The ring bearer and and train bearer is not really expected to bring along any gift to any kind of pre-wedding parties that they may like to attend.

If the parents of the ring bearer or train bearer do attend, the expectations for the gifts will still be the same as with any other guest. If the ring bearer or train bearer do attend more than just one party, only a single shower gift is expected.

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